part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
