we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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