Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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