but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
