well I can't set my house on fire every night
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Go christen that room with your naked body.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
