The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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