the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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