Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
