Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we're making bets on your personal life
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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