i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
