before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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