Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
