I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
