She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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