Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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