Where are you?
In a non slutty way
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
