I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
