I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
