My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
