Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
