Need sex. Gaining weight.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
