The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
