He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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