There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
