my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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