I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
