the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
