You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
