My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
