oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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