im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
