the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
