I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
