I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
