My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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