careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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