Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Randomize
