All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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