Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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