A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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