yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
no you cant smoke seaweed
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Randomize
