I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
