im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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