So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
