This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
