My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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