we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
