P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
