her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You ruined the universe
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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