i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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