If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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