Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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