My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The power of my boobs compel you
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
