This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
