pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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